Yeti (Pink)

Called it Yeti, painted it hot pink, still put Bigfoot on it. Cryptid Barbie. The Patterson-Gimlin silhouette walks mid-stride across a bubblegum splatter treeline, pink graffiti bleeding through the grunge like Sasquatch raided a Sephora on the way out of Bluff Creek. Bob Gimlin never said "there she is" like this, but here we are. Big wooo in cotton candy. Blurry on purpose, because Squatch still doesn't pose — she just moisturizes first.

The play is a 5/9 hybrid with grey carpet on the slow side, so you're holding two bags at once. Carpet side grabs and parks — block the lane, sit a hanger, kill a roll dead where it lands. Flip to the slick face and it runs a slider or pushes a hole clean through. Soft on the outside, mean on the board. Pink camo works in the woods; ask any Ohio squatcher.

Lace up. Grease the palms. Pack the peanut butter and the lip gloss. Go squatchin'.