Eat a Bag

Look at the bag. Someone put "DICK'S POTATO CHIPS" on the fast side — burgundy foil, ridged chips, $.69 price tag, a straight-faced "0g Trans Fat" seal, and the tagline "Salty & Delicious." Then flipped it to blue and spelled the punchline out loud: Eat a bag of Dick's. The chips scatter across the bottom like the joke already landed. You're not delivering the insult. You brought it in a snack aisle wrapper.

Fast side slides clean through traffic — the Salty & Delicious lane, no drag, no apology. Slow side is where the real menu opens: rollers that stop on the number, flops that sit down and stay, cuts that pick a corner and hold it. Full shot selection, both sides honest. Bring it to a bracket and watch the other team read the bag before they read the board. Nobody recovers from that with dignity intact.

South Park would frame this. Jeselnik would sign it. Your move — grab a bag, feed it to the hole, walk away Salty & Delicious.